shoulders grow HEAVY with the weight of the world thrust upon them, but someone he manages to put one foot in front of the other, till they two meet halfway in the hall. dragon skulls LOOM from every pillar, their great big TEETH threatening to tear him apart from every direction he dares to look & eventually, eyes focus only upon lady mother’s features, as if trying to hold on some shed of FAMILIARITY as he sinks away inside himself, hiding away within his own thoughts as the sound of heavy beating heart fills his ears.
for a moment he but STARES, as if her presence could no longer be true. no, she could not be here, it was TOO GOOD to be true. the gods were not merciful, they were not forgiving, they would not bless him with her ethereal presence after he’d FORSAKEN the vows he swore moons ago. yet as he collapses upon his knees unto the floor, burying face into her skirts, he can smell her, the sweet fragrance of his mother & he nearly WEEPS with joy from her presence. though tears blur his eyes & throat is too tight to speak, he tugs on her, insistent on her comforting arms, as if his mother is the only woman in the world who could SOOTHE this shattered soul. & perhaps she is.
lips part & he wheezes as he reaches out for her like a CHILD, wrapping arms about her lower waist as forehead presses against her hip, furrowed brow so tight his skin feels stretched like RUBBER pulled too tight. but he does not let go, rather lets raspy breaths escape in harsh spurts, PANIC becoming him as it engulfs his entire system, body shaking & lungs seeming to COLLAPSE under the pressure of his SLAUGHTER. he claws at her gown, as if she were not quite paying attention& he looks up to her, tears that mimmick hers flowing down cheeks as if he’s trying to make her understand.
❛ he wanted to BURN the city to ash — i HAD to … i had to. ❜
he transforms SEEMINGLY before her eyes. one moment, she is staring at the stone face of a man, a knight, a face that so reminds her of tywin ; the next, it is a little boy clutching at her skirts, breaths desperate as he holds close to her.
SHOCK, she will realize later, is why memories suddenly come back to her in a FLOOD; jaime giggling in her arms as she swings him back and forth, hiding in her skirts after being scolded by his father, asking for a bedtime story, laughing from atop his horse, kissing her on the cheek before riding off to battle for the first time.
he has had to grow up much too quickly, she realizes. he is only a child being forced to wear the body, to carry the responsibilities of a MAN.
his fingers clawing at her gown are what finally break her. she falls to her knees in front of him, slender fingers reaching to cup his cheeks.
“ my son, my son —- “
her voice shakes SLIGHTLY, but she forces the tears from her eyes. she can not allow herself to fall apart as long as he is. he needs her to be STRONG.
he wanted to burn the city to ash.
“ —- listen to me, jaime. only to me. you need to breathe. in —- out. breathe.“
i had to.
she wraps her arms around him, pulls him close, into the SAFETY of her arms. a gentle kiss is pressed to his temple, shaking hands rubbing comforting patterns up and down his SPINE.
“ i know, my love. i know. it’s okay. it’s okay. i’m here.i’ve got you. i’ve got you. i’ve got you. “
burn them all. it still sounds in his skull like a SONG, like a vicious song that never seems to end. blood still coats the glimmering blade of his sword & the rushing sensation of ANXIETYcoats his fingertips. blankly does he stare ‘pon the body at his feet, smelling of shit & IRON as crimson seeps out unto stone steps. THE KING IS DEAD. despite the act of murder, an almost exhilarating sense of FINALITY fills him to the brim. yet despite the waves of relief that coat his bones & make him feel STRONGER, panic crushes his lungs & breaths leave him as he nearly TOPPLES to the ground beside the king’s corpse.
i killed him, he thinks, i KILLED the king. fingertips splay against hilt of sword & he rises, one step, two steps, three steps, & then a fourth. lips purse as heart beats ERRATICALLY within cage of bones & breath shutters from his lips in raspy attempts at regaining the will to breathe. he wheezes & sits, ‘pon the throne with sword in hand, the smell of BLOOD filling his nostrils as easily as the smell of his twin’s fine perfume. emeralds glance to the dead body at his feet & he blinks several times, as if doing so would ERASE the image from his mind. but it does no good, he has done it, he has SLAIN the very king he swore to protect & for a moment he feels TRIUMPHANT. like the saving of billions would erase the punishment he would receive in due time.
edge of blade is pressed unto stony floor at his side, he watches the door, a LION waiting for his prey. a mask, a stoic, aged face of a man covering that of a BOY’S as he awaits the claimation of a new king, a STAG king. minutes feel like hours &fingertips anxiously beat against the hilt of his sword, armor feeling suddenly too heavy for his slender frame & muscles feel WEAK, as if the might to will his blade through the back of a maddened king had struck the very STRENGTH from his bones. when the doors open & a shadow appears with golden hair, he knows her. he exhales & feels unwept tears sting his eyes, his approach slow & SOLEMN.
‘ do notleave this room, ‘ tywin had said. ‘ it is not safe out there. ‘ and she had believed him wholeheartedly ; OF COURSE it wasn’t safe. not until the war was over. ( would it ever TRULY be over? she was beginning to have her doubts. ) but perhaps that was what had compelled her to leave —- the fact that, while she remained smothered between four walls, her SON was out there in the MIDDLE
of it all.
he was a man grown now, she knew. taller than she was and thrice as strong. none of that changed the overwhelming desire to keep him SAFE.
she does not think before she acts ; feet carry her to the throne room before she can stop them, before she can think to go ANYWHERE ELSE. the doors open at a slight pull, and she peeks inside … only to see him, her flesh & blood, her SON, seated upon the throne that has been said to rip kings to BITS. but it was not the throne that killed AERYS TARGARYEN ; green hues find him NEXT, and it’s as if she hears every whisper ever spoken about the two of them, sees every LUSTFUL GLANCE he stole at her, watches tywin’s gaze drop every time she ever mentioned him. her heart seems to stop beating for a split second, bile rising in her throat only to be swallowed back once more.
“ ———— jaime ? “
her son’s name falls from her lips barely louder than a whisper.
he is dead. aerys targaryen is finally DEAD. he will never, ever look at her like that AGAIN.
eyes find her son’s once more, and she can not help but think that he looks as if he has aged a decade if he has aged a DAY ; she steps towards him, slowly, as if the bones of her feet have turned to lead.
( he is safe. he is SAFE. )
and the lioness, the lady of casterly rock, begins to WEEP.
